I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
