Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
