she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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