My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
