Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
