im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just pee around me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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