Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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