My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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