It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
