508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think your dad took our porno
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
