Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your penis caused this!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize