Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
