i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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