They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
