Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize