Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
