handjob tips. give me some.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
its liver damage thursday
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