non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
