There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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