Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
