Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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