I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
