i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
