Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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