why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
