I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
