You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
