I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
