Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
