I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
