I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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