Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
