Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
