I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize