I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
