Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish I only lived at night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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