i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
