Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want her autograph on my taint
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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