Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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