I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
