i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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