im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
