Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
