I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
