My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
