Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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