You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
