So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
