So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
