It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
