I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
