I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
