I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
