life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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