giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You dont lie about slip and slides
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
