Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
