Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
