Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
