Whod you bang
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
