i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
