she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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