she is the kim kardashian of front butts
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My vagina is officially offended.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
