Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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