Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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