My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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