Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
