I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
