Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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