Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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