You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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