I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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