Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
