she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
