im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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