How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
