I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
