I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Someone signed my nipple.
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