I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
