I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
