let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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