Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
