i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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