he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize