I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
