At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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