For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
